Erosion of Trust
Here’s this week’s stats on Trust:
Only 14% of us trust Big Business. Banks are a little better at 26% - who holds onto our resources? Church/Organized Religion doesn’t fare much better at 32%.
Small Business 65% and Science 64% can tip the teeter-totter positively.
“Right to the heart of the matter, Right to the beautiful part
Illusions are painfully shattered, Right where discovery starts
In the secret wells of emotion, Buried deep in our hearts.”~Emotion Detector, Rush
What is Trust?
In the dance of life, trust is the cardiovascular system of our emotional and social well-being, nourishing ourselves, our relationships, and our communities. This system balances our psyche, circulating the lifeblood of love, and the oxygen of understanding, and delivers nutrition-rich empathy, all operating silently in the background.
Like our cardiovascular systems, our trust systems must be tested, taxed, and cared for. Ignoring its maintenance can cause debilitating failures that send ripples of discord through our bodies, and a breach in trust can unsettle the delicate balance that sustains our connections.
Civilization and organizations run on trust. Like a well-conditioned body, trust reduces friction and makes everything work more smoothly. Without it, other systems (departments) experience a communication breakdown, resulting in low engagement and compounding problems that ‘stress’ the system.
Low trust is debilitating to the people experiencing it. When employees, clients, and stakeholders trust a company, they’re willing to invest their time, effort, and resources. A sense of well-being and engagement can become a multiplier for success, fueling a positive work culture and laying the groundwork for lasting success.
Let’s delve deeper into the nuances of trust—the unsung hero of every meaningful relationship—to understand how to cultivate, restore, and cherish this pivotal cornerstone of our lives.
Shadow Trust
Is there an often-overlooked aspect of trust? When trust crumbles, it doesn't just disappear; it transmutes into its shadow form—fear. Fear isn’t idle; it haunts and drains you nightly like a relentless vampire! It’s active and insidious, affecting everything from personal interactions to social structures. When trust is under threat, you’re not just neutral but vigilant against potential betrayals, emotionally, financially, or in other intangible and imaginary ways.
This shadow of trust doesn’t only cast its darkness outward; it also dims your internal landscape. Self-doubt creeps in, paralyzing decision-making and corroding self-worth. The community isn’t immune either; a collective lack of trust can fragment a society, eroding the social connection and acceptance we have for one another, and clogging the arteries of communication, making it ripe for arrest, conflict, and division.
But the most corrosive element is the feedback loop it creates. The absence of trust fuels the fear, and that fear, in turn, deepens the lack of trust. It's a dark loop, a tourniquet, that's only loosened by confronting and accepting the source of your fears head-on, understanding their origins. After all, if we don't acknowledge or engage the shadow side of trust, we risk becoming its perpetual prisoners, living lives of fear.
We cannot change anything until we accept it; condemnation does not liberate; it oppresses. ~Carl Jung
Disrupt your Trust
In a world where trust is often hailed as the be-all and end-all, intentionally disrupting it can seem taboo. But sometimes, our gut—tells us to shake things up, which is usually when we trust patterns that we shouldn’t. Disrupting our once-trusted beliefs, thoughts, and behaviors is not necessarily a one-way ticket to the dark side; it can benefit everyone involved, including yourself.
For instance, we sometimes trust relational models that aren’t working for us; if someone treats your boundaries like a punching bag, maybe it’s time to grab a psychological hammer and bust the place up because a remodel is needed. It’s a not-so-subtle ‘stop’ sign signaling that the status quo isn’t cutting it.
Similarly, if you’re stuck in the muck of codependency, a disruptive nudge serves both individuals who need to evolve into more independent beings. Sometimes, deep down we know these patterns we cling to need a little shake-up to align with the reality of who you really are, not who you wish you’d be.
So, to grow, disrupting trust can actually be a key player, a psychological renovation tool paving the way to a more authentic existence. Essentially, breaking trust in old limiting beliefs, while unsettling, and sometimes downright disturbing, is also the source of liberation from fear. Fear can actually be the lifeline providing an opportunity for a personal transformation.
Disrupting trust can be temporarily messy: Handle With Care. Seek a therapist if the mess is too big for you.
Is My Trust Problem an Inner Journey?
Trust is often thought of as something between you and others, but the underbelly of trust is deeply rooted in your inner landscape. Anywhere you look, when there are trust issues, a finger may be pointed at someone else, but guess how many point back at your heart?
“Ranting and pointing his finger at everything but his heart, we’ll miss him.” ~Eulogy by Tool
So, while it might seem like you’re building trust with other people, the real architect of trust is hanging out inside. It’s an internal journey toward understanding what parts of you aren’t trusted or accepted. So, while the currency of trust appears to be spent in the external world, the mint where it is forged is inside you, soul-searching to determine if you are willing to risk all of yourself to live. Fully.
Trust is one element of owning yourself. It’s about recognizing all of you and admitting your limitations and, yes, your shadow qualities; you'll likely find that your biggest fear is truly knowing yourself. Owning your talents and qualities and exercising them to explore your potential. Accepting the fact that people may not like you for it, but it’s ok, because it’s you. All of this starts with trusting your experience and resonances, to guide your thinking, particularly when it might feel unconventional.
So, we established that trust is an inside job, right? Now, how do you take the inner work and apply it to real-world relationships?
It’s difficult to overstate how transformative it is to really understand someone else. It’s not just about you; your willingness to understand can open a locked heart, which can open others to the flow in life that can be an opportunity for someone else’s self-acceptance. To be seen, felt, and heard is essential to being human, and by turning that key, you’re creating the space for reflection and insight, which can lead to reflective ah-ha moments, and iterative transformations. Seeking to understand another human being is a two-way street; it exposes quirks to each other and can help us become more accepting of our collective differences, realizing how similarly connected we can be, how the pieces fit in between our differences.
You know, sometimes, baby, I’m so carefree
With a joy that’s hard to hide
And then, sometimes, again, it seems that all I have is worry
And then you’re bound to see my other side
But, oh, I’m just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh, Lord, please, don’t let me be misunderstood.
~Nina Simone